These quotes are taken from a book I read a few months ago by Joan D. Chittister, “Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope.”
“And yet if we give up in the midst of struggle, we never find out what the struggle would have given us in the end. If we decide to endure it to the end, we come out of it changed by the doing of it. It is a risk of mammoth proportion: WE DARE THE DEVELOPMENT OF SELF.”
What struggle have you endured that dared the development of your SELF?
“It is not the struggle that defeats us…it is our failure to struggle that depletes the human spirit.”
Think back…ever give up on a struggle? If so, what opportunity for growth do you think you missed?
“The great secret to life is how to survive struggle without succumbing to it, how to bear struggle without being defeated by it, how to come out of great struggle better than we found ourselves in the midst of it. A spirituality of struggle exposes the secret to the world.”
By honoring your struggles, you become the person you ought to be. What have you learned about yourself through your struggles?
Hi Peggy,
I had a very bad childhood and teenage years. To give you an idea of how bad it was, I had two friends who had similar experiences. Both of my friends had to be institutionalized for a brief time due to the psychological trauma of it all.
I was blessed to have not gone down that road and I have spirituality to thank for that. Buddhism saved my life and I will be eternally grateful for that along with the fact that I had two very loving parents.
Struggles can either make us or break us. It is up to the individual to determine how they want to deal with the situation. Some people are stronger and handle certian things better than others but that is the beauty of life. We each have a way that is ideal for us.
I used to be ashamed of my painful past but now I am proud of it. It made me who I am and even better, I survived it all and still remained sane.
Apologies for the long comment but this is a subject that is dear to my heart!
Dear Nadia,
No apologies for long comments! Write as much as you’d like
Like you, my childhood was less than stellar, went through an awful divorce and then a disease. I’ve come out tested and true. My struggles have molded me into the person I am today…I may be a little scarred from it all, but those scars are like badges of honor for me.
xo
Peggy
Hi Peggy,
These are really powerful quotes. I used to get very frustrated at people who wouldn’t struggle through because the reward of the Development of Self is so vast. I’ve since loosened up on that, I know everyone is coping in their own way and on their own time line. That being said, there are a few issues that I struggled through and I’m so glad I did. It taught me that I am not defined by my past and by the people I came from. It taught me that I can design my own fate and that history does not repeat itself unless I want it to.
Great post! Jodi
Hi Jodi,
It’s Joan’s book is powerful and compelling. I read it with my journal by my side, took notes, and did a lot of writing. You might like it
Struggle does help us see that we can design our destiny! In my own experience, that is one big true statement!
Love ya!
Peggy
Peggy, I absolutely believe that it is our struggles that usher in an experience of our truest self. We each have a “litany of sorrows,” I believe. A long laundry list of hurts and woes. I have had some real doozies in my life but I know with all my heart that pressing through, believing in my own possibilities to grow through the experience, made me who I am today. I imagine you too.
Thanks for such a great post. (( I am a huge Chittister fan…)
Hi Jan!
I like what you said, “believing in my own possibilities to grow through the experience…” I don’t think I started believing in my own possibilities until the end of my first marriage. Things that I held onto, things that I clung to, vanished. Fear of the impermanance of life was one of my biggest struggles…and one that I had to wrestle with through my divorce and then immediately following, through breast cancer.
No longer fearful of an impermanent life, I live more fully than I ever have before
I learnt that I am stronger than I ever dreamed possible…
And you so are Megan!
Hi Peggy! What powerful quotes! And that book is fabulous – we must have read it about the same time!
OMG, struggles! I always called them “tests” and boy I’ve had my share from the get go. Something about them though reminds me that I am still alive, still have choices and I might as well make peace with the whole darn process cuz it’s one after another, some lighter than others, thank God!
What I’ve learned in the last decade though is how my thinking vastly affects everything in me and around me. (thank you Eckhart, thank you Joe Dispenza, thank you Wayne Dyer and others)
One thing that used to drive me crazy in the past was how everyone always told me how STRONG I was, when inside I felt all crumbly, indecisive and scared! Apparently I projected something I didn’t feel I had in me – still not sure how that worked – but suffice to say I now admit I AM strong, and it’s brought a whole new level of confidence to my inner self. When I look back on my life (quite the damn soap opera, believe me) I realize many others could not have traveled thru it all with their minds in tact.
But then……. maybe MINE isn’t! haha!
hugs
SuZen
Hi SuZen,
We must be taking similar paths – the last 10 years have been an eye opening experience for me and my way of being and thinking. How simple yet so hard to shift your perspective just a bit…and realize a whole new world awaits you.
I used to think a few of my friends were daft when they told me they couldn’t go through have the stuff I went through…but when you are faced with the test or the struggle, in my head, what option really is there but to go through it? Some people won’t.
Not that I wish the struggles I’ve had on anyone, but geez – how else do we learn the joyful living really is just a thought click away?
SuZen – thank you for your shinning your light here today!
Wow. Insightful questions.
I am on the verge of a risk of mammoth proportions. May be the stupidest thing I ever did, but it is necessary to my happiness and crucial to my well being. And I have to have the courage to step off the edge and I know I will be given wings to soar. That is my faith. Thank you for giving me something to think about today. Enjoy the day! Erin
Hi Erin,
I’m excited for you…those risks of mammoth proportions are so worth it in the end!
xxoo
Wow. A great post. Our struggles can teach us and refine us, they can bring out the best in us. Or better yet, help us to bring out the best in others. Thanks.
Hi Erin,
I often use my struggle with breast cancer as a way to help bring out the best in others…especially those battling the disease right now.
Hi Peggy,
I think it’s called a struggle because “it’s” not easy and takes us out of our comfort zone in some way. Each time I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone I have been rewarded with finding my true nature/peace/joy, and Faith is the only guide to allow me to step out even a little. So, my struggles have deepened my Faith which then allows me to journey and adventure even farther….
Hi Joy!
In much the same way as you, I have found my struggles to be big awakening lessons for me. Some lessons just took longer to learn than others (sometimes I’m quick to learn, sometimes I’m the girl wearing the dunce cap in the back of the room…
)
One struggle for me was letting go of my two favorite sisters who crossed my boundaries one too many times. We won’t go back into the years of drama/trauma but each time I was hurt or betrayed, years would go by and then a family event would happen and I’d get sucked in, forgive and allow them to eventually slide back into my life. Because I always wanted their love and acceptance. Well it isn’t happening and it will never happen. I have grieved my losses and moved on. It’s not a struggle anymore, yet it is still sometimes sad. I had to finally come to the conclusion that this would never change.
I bless them and send them love and light when I think of them. We are all on the same path just taking different ways to get there. Even though they aren’t in my life…I’ve dropped the story about it all. This has given me peace. I’m not sure I’m stronger…maybe wiser.
Hi Tess,
I can so relate to having to let go of a family member who crossed boundaries one too many times! Not only did I have to let go of a sister (thankfully, she returned to the family clan the same wonderful person she was before she went off the deep end) but I’m now in the process of letting my husband’s ex-wife go. Her current chaos and drama crossed a marriage boundary and by politely telling her “No,” I am at peace.
Struggles, sure I had them, the main thing is not to prolong the agony by making the drama last longer than necessary, THAT really has gotten to me.
Things happen sure, but I do not have to drag them out and that is what I am learning.
And letting go of what I think could have been.
I really got what Eckhart Tolle says about feeding the pain body and struggle is a good one for that.
My major struggle has been with a confused husband who in his confusion is still making life a struggle.
But as Tess said, once that becomes clear, giving up the struggle and moving on is a great way to give up that struggle.
I think we are strong, in the sense of knowing what to do when we can operate from the heart but as long as we get sucked in by other people’s and our own stories we are on a slippery path to suffering.
Hi Wilma!
I can so relate to your struggle with a confused husband! You know I’m watching for the sidelines as my husband’s very confused ex-wife is making her life a huge struggle right now and doing her best to drag everyone down her rabbit hole. We’re not buying the ticket she’s selling.
What I’ve learned through my struggles is that life’s too short to get caught up in someone else’s turmoil…I’m pretty sure it’s taken me a good 45 out of my 46 years of existence to finally let go of other people’s *stuff!*
What struggle have you endured that dared the development of your SELF?
It’s not a struggle so much as a challenge, but moving in with Donald’s parents last February and living with them for almost a year now has probably been the biggest successful struggle I have endured.
It’s not so much about living with my in-laws (they are wonderful people), but about how that has affected our marriage and our sense of independence and our individual development.
Last August, I started to really explore my SELF and to come to terms with a lot of personal things, which is when I started my blog. The opportunity to be in a very different environment pushed me into self-exploration and I am so grateful for that.
Hi Daphne,
I tend to think of challenges as mini-struggles – anything that gives us the chance to learn, stretch, and grow…It’s not easy returning to a nest as an adult…especially when it’s not your nest and not particularly your husband’s either. I’m impressed with your ability to see this challenge as a time for personal growth despite feeling a bit less independent and in your own marriage bubble.
xo
Peggy
Hi Peggy!
XOXOXO Just wanted to you to feel the love at the beginning of the comment.
I try to live life as though everything is a blessing. That means good or bad, no matter what, it will be a great blessing to me. As growth, as pertaining to a situation later, or as a reflection, or even reaching out to others.
This has helped me so much the last few years.
I was just thinking today that I was going to see if you’d put a list of all the great books you have read and what do I see when I come to your page?
A resource tab!!! Yaaaahooo!!
Hi Ang! Thanks for so much upfront love! I loved it!
You might want to check out my resource tab on The Stepmom’s Toolbox – it just looks better
I enjoyed by first time on your blog and look forward to future reads ahead. I am a fellow survivor of struggle…and my blog it about that. Thanks for your wonderful posts