As I learn more about me through a program called “Women Like Me,” I’ve discovered that the structures and systems in my life are out of sync and a bit overwhelming. I’ve known for awhile that I need to be doing something professionally that is in alignment with my passions…I’m getting there, but all I see right now is the ginormous elephant.
I’ve commented on several blog posts written by others that I’m seriously out of synch with my 9-5 day job. I’ve been out of sync with it since 2005. After my entire group was layed off and I was sitting on a chunk of change that would have seen me through at least six months comfortably or eight months if tightened up the purse strings, I wondered if going back to corporate America was the right thing for me. I wanted off the crazy train of companies filing bankruptcy and office politics. I wanted to make a difference but didn’t know how to make the shift in my mind or in my career. I was stumped.
So I booked a five day vacation to Los Angeles to spend time with a dear friend of mine. And I had my last breast cancer remodeling surgery. Two weeks before my surgery, I sifted through jobs on monster.com and found a position that fit me to a T and it was only for three months. I applied.
No joke. Twenty minutes later, an HR rep called me and said, “I have a BETTER job for you!” Really? You do? My ego went nuts! A. Better. Job!
I passed the phone interview with flying colors. I met with the hiring manager. I thought to myself, “I don’t need this job. I don’t want this job.” I gave everyone what I thought was a “is she freaking nuts?” salary requirement. They hired me.
But it was only for three months! I can do anything for ninety days, right? They extended my contract. I accepted. My ego liked the money. I could support my lifestyle and my children without a hiccup and without tightening the purse strings. I thought I needed life the way I had ordered it after divorce and after breast cancer.
But the friction inside me gnawed at my heart.
In 2006, I decided to sell my house and live off the equity while I got certified to teach yoga and become all earthy crunchy. Only God had other plans.
Richard entered my life in April 2006. Wham! My life flipped upside down in the best possible way for me. Saying Yes to Richard and all that he brought into my life, also meant that I had to put the shift in my professional career on hold. I was ok with that.
At work, I switched contracts. In fact, the day Richard contacted me was the same day I was let go from my original contract. I was beyond ecstatic. Thrilled to be let go? You betcha! Two weeks later, right before my last day, I was offered work on another project. I accepted…but only for the summer. That was nearly four years ago. In fact, I’ll be with my company for five years on March 1, 2010. What started out as a ninety day contract has turned into five years…or roughly 1,216 days…or 9,728 hours…or 583,680 minutes…or 35,020,800 seconds (I think I did the math right…correct me if I multiplied when I should have divided or applied a Pythagorian theorem)
In 2008 I started my yoga teacher training journey and received my certification in 2009. I jumped head first into my advanced yoga teacher training and will have my 500 hour level certification completed this June. Late last year I took two writing classes to learn how to write a query letter and then hone my writing skills to get published. I haven’t really touched my writing project since early December. Procrastination? My own self as judge and jury? Echos of a previous husband saying “you’re not that good anyway..”? All the pressure I put on myself to write it right the first time?
My life with Richard is solid but my professional career is a mess. We don’t live beyond our means but we are both accustomed to the income I bring home. I am the major bread winner.
How do I make the shift to doing what I want to do without upsetting the financial apple cart? How do I leave something that saps the energy from my soul but is so easy to do that walking away seems like the stupidest thing on earth?
Hmm. That’s a tough question. But remember this: we are not promised a tomorrow. We have today to live and love and give.
Stopping by from SITS.
A very good reminder! Thanks!
I have dealt with my family telling me “you are not good enough” my whole life. I finally said yes I am.
I came over from SITS to say hi. Hope you’re having a good Tuesday.
I finally said “yes, I am,” too – just every once in awhile that old tape resurfaces…very aggravating
Those are tough questions! Maybe the finances will need to be disrupted for a while. What matters is the peace in your heart. Listen to the voice who knows what you want. And then take baby steps. Maybe it’s writing a little every day; maybe it’s assessing your finances; maybe it’s taking to your husband. Change does not have to be drastic. It can unfold slowly. Best of luck! It’s worth it. Be happy!
All good advice wifsie! My husband knows and he’s incredibly supportive and encouraging. I keep thinking that some of this will resolve itself in a few months – he deploys to the mid east, but his income more than doubles – that takes some of the bread winning angst off my shoulders. Until then, I will write a little every day.
Thanks!
Peggy
Peggy,
I knew a doctor who wrote every Monday morning until his book was finished.
What if you saved the income that doubles and gave yourself a deadline for quitting your job.
Is there an option of going part time and writing part time?
Or you could go over your budget and ask what could I live without in order to live my dream?
Are you still supporting your daughters? Is there a way you can cut back there? That was an area that was difficult for us to do!
One thing that always works for me when I’m stuck is journaling.
I think what you need is a plan and a commitment to the plan you come up with. Small steps…Peggy.
If there is anyway I can help you or do for you let me know! That’s what friends are for…;) Tess xo
Tess,
You are truly a gem. Thank you for helping me see something that I knew was there. We are saving his entire salary – banking every dime, plus half my salary and the very small rent we’re charging his youngest daughter when she moves in with me (her husband deploys, too) But giving myself the deadline to finish while he’s away is exactly what I need to do.
Sitting down and writing – even if it’s just thirty minutes a day or every Monday and Wednesday morning until my book is done is exactly the doing I need to be doing.
I’m usually really good with the planning stuff – except for this one thing – I wonder if it’s because I want it so bad that I’m just getting in my own way.
All that gray matter between my ears
Great new design, Peggy, and lots of great advice here. Tess always sings to me with her words.
Here’s what I believe: what you want also wants you. And like you proved to yourself five years ago, you CAN have it all. Amazing pay in a way that fits your fondest desires.
I just manifested part-time hours with full-time pay and benefits. AND I work from home most of the time. It took a few months to manifest it, but BAM! Here it is, and I’m smiling every day, giving thanks that I overcame fear, had patience, and trusted that “all is perfect” all the time. Even “not so perfect” is perfect.
What you want also wants you. And it’s waiting for you to release what isn’t working, so you can accept what will. (smile)
My best to you always!
Megan
What I want also wants me – Dang Megan – that is hitting me right between the eyes. I’m posting that on my monitor and my bathroom mirror!
Congratulations to you for manifesting part-time hours with full time pay and benefits! That is so awesome.
I really appreciate learning from you today!
xo
Peggy
Hi Peggy.
It is so great to have you with us on the Women Like Me program and observing the wholesome ‘what is so’ in your life. That is such a valuable step, to first learn to observe as we actually very seldom dare to look. Well I was actually always afraid of what I would find when I would look hard AND then I worried about what I had to do with what I would uncover.
I remember when I first got to see the wholesome ‘what is so’ about my own manipulating behavior in my former marriage, boy was I shocked and boy did I have trouble facing the consequences of what I saw. But once I got the courage and intent, I was away and life got so much better.
Oh Peggy, you have come very far by NOT sticking your head in the sand when things happened to some major Structures like your previous marriage and your body dealing with breast cancer. It seems that you are now ready to face up another challenge, called your work Structure.
I love how you observe what is going on, how you honestly dare to look. From there, my friend you can move forward, by focusing on solutions rather than problems. We are all very resourceful people when we take time to look at possibilities and options without being propelled by fear and hurry to create mediocre solutions that are more band aids than sustainable ones.
Peggy, I have every confidence you will find sustainable heavenly solutions as you are well resourced. I will delightfully follow and support your process, my friend. xox Wilma
Hi Wilma!
Of course as I looked and reacquainted myself with this big fat incongruity, I’m now holding it like it’s a hot potato – I want to get rid of it as fast as possible. But I can’t just toss it and do something half-a$$ed either. So, I will dig deep and make a plan, make “What I want also wants me” my new mantra, stop procrastinating…because if it is to be, it really is up to me! I will, as you wisely advise, look for my solutions rather than focus on my problem because I’m focusing on the wrong end!
Hi Peggy! You are getting the creme de la creme of support and advice here – I especially LOVE Megan’s! And Tess’s journal writing is, of course, one of my favorite tools for pulling out of me what I really want. Sounds like you KNOW what you really want but can’t make the leap (of faith) that is necessary. Like the others, I believe when you DO do that (leap) things you really want will open up to you in an unbelievable way. You’ll be like that V-8 juice commercial, hitting yourself in the head for not doing it sooner! Like – duh!
I’d keep focused on what you want and tell that other stinkin’ voice bye-bye. Don’t look at the scenario as giving up anything ($) but rather GETTING everything you ever really wanted. Change the thoughts and you change your life!
Hugs,
suZen
p.s. I’ve found whenever I am in complete harmony with myself and my wanting, the Universe always gives me much more than I need – so much for fear!
SuZen – I already feel like the V-8 commercial because I feel like I’ve wasted some precious time that I can never get back. Work may be a soul sucker, but I’ve been stuck on the problem end of things instead of creating solutions…like writing. I waste a lot of time at work feeling miserable when I can be doing something more constructive! Ok – my lament is officially OVER. I’m changing the channel
Hi Peggy – I just hopped over from Wilma’s site, and it’s my first visit. Love your writing – you have such a clear, heartfelt voice. You know, those questions you’re asking, I’ve been there myself and probably about 90% of my clients are there. And after all these years I’ve learned there is no answer. Not really, not the one we want (which is, “here is the magic way to do this without shaking up your life too much”). So I don’t think this is about answering the questions, but rather about learning how to stop asking them. And in so doing cultivating trust, resilience, and patience with a transition that’s yearning to happen, and by gosh is gonna keep poking away until it gets your attention for good. Sounds like you have a huge reservoir of trust, resilience, and patience built up already.
Hi Patty – I’m nearly embarrassed because your first visit here is a whine from yours truly. But you offered me something that I had to take in – I don’t want to shake things up too much. I also am going to work on cultivating a bit more self-trust when it comes to this particular change that I know I need to make. Thank you for being part of my lesson today!
Oh, Peggy, don’t worry about whining. I love a good whine and do it frequently. Plus I didn’t even think it was whining, more like the truth of what happens when we’re in the midst of transition. And btw, thanks for coming over and commenting on my blog!
I am just soaking up the advice in these comments. WOW! Truly inspiring stuff.
What comes to my mind was an obstacle I had in my way. I wrestled with it. Tried to jump over it. Under it. Sneak to the side of it. Use might against it. It just wouldn’t move and I could not figure out a way around it. I was frustrated.
We had a wise mother hen in the office who was very straightforward, nonsense, and deadpan. She looked at me and said, “When you are ready there will be no obstacle in your way. You are just not ready yet.”
It was true. Once I saw it that way and let go of all I was holding on to, there were NO obstacles.
When you are ready, I know it will be the same for you. You are wise and have so much support. It’s a wonderful thing.
I love the new header pic!
Hi Angelia!
You know, I really felt like a goofball after I hit the publish button. Me, have a problem? (Oh wait, according to Echkart Tolle, there are no problems, only life situations – so that’s what I have, a life situation right now!)
But I’m glad I did. Because the advice and tips I’ve received are nothing short of phenomenal. I’m soaking them all up like a sponge…
I love what your mother hen advised you. I’m not ready yet and the timing isn’t right yet either…but there is plenty I can be doing to get ready instead of commiserating in my ego’s self-made drama.
xo
Peggy
Peggy,
Let go of your fear! You are getting in your own way;)
Now don’t forget if you want to talk or need a kick in the arse while hubbys is away call me!
You are so right. This is a huge case of me getting in my own way. A good thing I’ve exosed it, though. I thought of your book this morning and tonight, when all is quiet on the home front, I’m going to draft my plan of action (and a little inaction – some purposelessness play that Patty talked about on her blog) – so if you’re up for taking a look at it when I’m done, let me know!
I have to be trite, but “money does not buy happiness”. It is a lot more beneficial to trim one’s budget than to trim one’s joyful soul!
Lindsey Petersen
http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com
Thanks for dropping by Lindsey. I know that money does not buy happiness – that’s not what this post was about. I’m not about accumulating more stuff or things I don’t need. It’s about a transition to something more meaningful and the steps to get there.
Peggy I love this post! Totally spoke to me. You know I found that I was always looking for a job with the “career” attached to it per se. Where the position would give me money and would feed my ego but at the end of the day I was feeling empty and unsatisfied. I wasn’t doing anything I loved I was always looking for the career not my passion. I say do it…I think you know when you can jump out there…all of the sudden a path will open and you can jump right in. Best of luck and I can’t wait to read more lady. So glad that SITS brought us to one another.
Hi Karie!
Thank you so much for your encouragement! The path will open…as it has in the last two days!
Hooray for SITS!!
Peggy
Keep on keepin’ on, is what I say. You’ll know the right opportunity when you see it!
I have no answers for you, Peggy. And I know that you are a soul searcher on a journey, and thereby will come to your own answer in your own time. The constraints of life can be difficult to maneuver.
I would like to change my career one day too. When trying to conceive our second child and while coming to grips with the prospect that it may never happen, I seriously looked into moving forward, but ultimately didn’t. I still hope to fulfill that goal. I’m being patient. But I’m also lucky because I also love my current job.
Good luck to you on your journey. From the looks of your next post, you are already finding the answers you are looking for.