Category Archives: The Journey

My Why

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Cactus Blooms by Peggy Nolan

Why do I blog? Why do I write? Why do I keep putting my thoughts and my experiences on paper and in cyber space? This is one reason.

I received this email the other day:

Dear Peggy,

I stumbled across your site while typing in “change your life after cancer”

I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 21, I’ve had a mascetomy, a stem cell transplant,a lobectomy, lots of radiation, chemo, and just the other day a hysterectomy! Honey I am tired!!!! I’m 36 now.

I really like how positive your site is. I told my husband that I am done. He’s really not taking this well and said I was “giving up”

Well I’m not dead! I told him and I just am sick of being sick. I’m going to do things that I want to do and just have a good time.

The thing is is that I enjoy living and I’m unafraid of dying. I equally welcome both. Life is not guaranteed and even though I’ve have cancer, I’ve also had so much fun in life.

Thank you for your blog and I’m happy I found it.

Blessings-
Tasha

***

Thank you Tasha. And Thank You to anyone who is struggling with something yet still living life on their terms. In the dojo we say “resistance makes you stronger.” In life, the struggle makes you stronger. Just ask the caterpillar after it becomes a butterfly.

Helping You Acheive Balance

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Once upon a time there was a woman who ate stress for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She operated on caffeine and adrenaline from sunup to sundown. There weren’t enough hours in the day to take care of everything on her plate – her marriage, her children, and her career. In fact, she wasn’t even on her own priority list. She gained weight, she ate on the run, she didn’t get enough sleep, her mood suffered, she ignored her husband, she barked at her children, and she barely was keeping her head above water at work.

Sound familiar? If so, you just might have a work-life imbalance.

Taking steps to reclaim your balance between work and the rest of your life may seem challenging, especially with unemployment hovering around 9% and poverty levels at 15%, the highest it’s been since 1983. However, look at the numbers another way: 91% of the US working population is employed and 85% are above the poverty level. I don’t know about you, but it’s much easier for me to reassess my own work-life balance, make positive changes, and better choices when I flip the doom and gloom numbers upside down.

First Things First

“When we invest in our well-being and take care of ourselves, it has a ripple effect that radiates out with a positive impact on those close to us.” – Rena Hatch, Beyond Stuck

Make yourself a priority; not just any priority, but your number one priority. If you are not taking care of your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being, you are no good to anyone else. Before you object with “I don’t have time to take care of me,” let me remind you dear reader that you make time for what you value. If you are not making time for yourself, what message are you sending to not just yourself but to everyone around you? If you don’t value yourself, who else will? No one will take better care of you than you and when you value you, so will your loved ones, friends, and co-workers.

Physical Activity

Find a physical activity that you love – one that doesn’t feel like a chore – because you will find yourself wanting to do it on a regular basis. Whether it’s running, walking, practicing yoga, swimming, martial arts, etc., carve out 30 minutes 3-4 times a week and begin today. The benefits of physical activity are numerous:

  • Reduce stress
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Lower cholesterol
  • Weight loss
  • Increase muscle tone
  • Improve sleep
  • Improve flexibility
  • Improve mood
  • Improve alertness
  • And many more

Quiet Time

The sound of silence is a beautiful thing but most people have a difficult time being silent and being in silence. I believe silence, whether you are in meditation or silent prayer, is as necessary to your emotional and spiritual being as oxygen is to your physical being. Create a space in your home where you can shut out the world for 15 minutes a day. If you need to, split your silent time between morning and evening. When you make time to be quiet you might be surprised at what you hear.

  • Solutions to your most pressing problems
  • Ingenious ideas to create something new or make something happen
  • A new business endeavor
  • The outline of a story or novel
  • The quiet encouragement to try something you’ve always wanted to do
  • A new perspective to an old issue
  • Your heart’s desire and passion
  • Your authentic self
  • And so much more if you are ready, willing, and able to carve out a few minutes every day to be in silence

Connect With Friends and Make Time for Fun

As you take steps to reclaim your work-life balance, connecting with your friends and making time for fun is key to achieving balance. Whether it’s date night with your spouse, going out with friends, or meeting a girlfriend for coffee, your connection to others will help even the scales. Relationships are about the bonds we build and those bonds require regular deposits. Creating space in your life for fun brings amazing benefits like:

  • Rest
  • Relaxation
  • Rejuvenation
  • Recharges your internal batteries

What else can you do to achieve a work-life balance that benefits you?

  • Learn to say no more…a lot more
  • Learn to delegate
  • Learn to ask for help
  • Learn to stop doing for others things they can do for themselves
  • Learn to stop striving for perfectionism – it doesn’t exist
  • Learn to leave work at work
  • Wake up 15 minutes earlier and enjoy the solitude of early morning

Now it’s your turn. What can you add to this list?

No Decision Is Ever Permanent

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A very wise 18 year old once told me, “no decision is ever permanent.” I took that to heart nearly eight years ago and that sage advice has been a guide post ever since.

Nearly a year ago I almost said Good-bye to Serendipity Smiles. I got caught in a diversion. It seemed like such a grand idea. Teach yoga, facilitate workshops, yada yada yada, support stepmoms and help them achieve step-life balance.

Then my husband left on deployment and the very next day I found myself Queen for the Day in an AOL makeover. I love that I was selected for this but so unclear as to whether or not the message I delivered was really the message I wanted to stake my passionate energy on. Make sense?

The weeks wore on and I found myself in Spain for a very lovely vacation and visit with my oldest daughter. That same daughter who dished out that wise advice all those years ago. The long plane ride home gave me time to think about the direction I was going in. I decided to put all my effort and passionate energy into helping stepmoms and stepfamilies. Super awesome, right? Considering the high and stable divorce rate in our country, a ready market one would think. A market aching to find happiness, joy, and contentment.

I doubled my efforts. I began hosting my radio show every Monday night. This show was a lot of work. Finding the guests, booking guests, marketing the shows on social media, coordinating efforts with two co-hosts, and always in a constant state of promotion, promotion, promotion. Before I even realized it, the show began to drain me. Every once in a while I’d get an email from a listener. The show continued to grow in listenership and quickly became one of the most popular shows in the category “women.” At first the numbers wowed me. Then they became a bar of expectations that only increased after each show. Can I do better? How can I best serve the stepmom community?

What a head game this became.

Six weeks ago, the annual bill for my show came in. This show is not free. And I’m not even counting the hours I poured into it. I sent a message out the community of listeners that the “rent” was due and I was looking for donations and or / sponsorship to keep the show on the air.

I received about 1/3 of what I needed to stay on the air. To those who donated, I’m extremely grateful. They gave with their heart. But the result was I ended the show and returned the donations. I was both disappointed and relieved. I pretty sure it was my ego that was disappointed.

There’s this saying, “Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle.” Maybe I gave up 5 minutes before the miracle, but I look around at a few sites I contribute articles to and I’m listed as a “step parent expert.” Guess what. I don’t want to be a step parent expert. I recently did an interview with The Life Change Network and as soon as it was posted I listened to it. And wanted to tell myself to shut up. Seriously, it was awful. I come off sounding like…like, a know it all. And I don’t know it all. Every stepfamily is different and what works for me certainly is not going to work for everyone else.

I want to be me. I want to write what I write – the poetry, the quirky bits, the oohy goohey love stories, the short stories, maybe one day, a novel.

I still practice yoga and teach individual clients, but it’s strictly word of mouth.

I’m 70 classes into the 200 I need to test for my 2nd degree black belt in 2012.

I recently walked a marathon for breast cancer. I got covered in mud for fun in the Warrior Dash.

My husband comes home in under a month (give or take changes to the schedule.)

And I don’t want to be in a constant state of doing, doing, doing. I’m saying Good-bye to the self-important distractions my ego likes to gloom onto. My life is so much more than being a mom or a stepmom. I love being both but neither are the center of my universe.

Serendipity Smiles is my home. My little corner of the Universe. This is the space where numbers don’t matter. I don’t check stats. I try to respond to everyone who comments. I pay attention to a group of other bloggers (and you know who you are), but here, I’m not out to monetize, be better than, or blog every day.

Be happy
Enjoy today

Peggy

PS I start a regular 9-5 job on Monday doing what I’m better than good at and capable of, the same thing I’ve been doing for the last 18 years. I’m more than OK with it.

A True Love Story

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Have you ever had one of those days when you absolutely had to be where you needed to be and you couldn’t get there fast enough?

First Sunrise in Key West by P.Nolan

Everything was going according to my schedule. Until my cell phone rang right after my pedicure appointment. Strange number, but I’m used to answering strange numbers because I never know the number Richard might call me from.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey babe! It’s me!”

Be still my beating heart. “Hi hon!”

“I’m in Atlanta.”

He’s HOME (well, sort of) “HOLY SHIT!” was the best response I could come up with.

“Yeah…uh…I’ll be in Key West by 6PM tonight…can you see if I can get into the condo early?”

“Yup. I’ll call them right away.” I turned to look at Katie, who was sitting in the passenger side of my truck. I mouthed, “He’s. Home.”

Two days early. His two week R&R leave wasn’t supposed to start until February 28. But he managed to hop a flight out of Kuwait early.

The planner in me took over – a good thing because the very emotional part of me was having an inner melt down. My plans to meet him, to welcome him home, to be at the airport waiting for him…not happening. Not to mention my plane ticket was for Monday. It’s Saturday. He’s there. I’m here. I needed to get there as fast as possible.

Richard promised to call me back in one hour. One hour to see if the condo was available early and change my flight. I ended up pulling over so Katie could drive to our hair appointment. There was no way I could drive and rebook everything. My hands were shaking and my stomach was doing flip flops.

I called the rental agency for the condo first. Sure enough, it was available and they’d have a key waiting for him when he landed. (Thank you Rent Key West!)

After giving up an arm and leg and my next three grand children, I rebooked my flight on American Airlines. I was booked on Sunday morning’s flight with a Key West arrival of 1PM EST.

With the logistics out of the way, I gave myself permission to act like a giddy 12 year old. Six months is a long time to go without seeing the one you love…and I was starving for him.

Sunday morning I woke to snow. Really? Snow? Who ordered this? Fed Ex delivered bad weather to the wrong location. As I got ready, let the dog out, loaded the truck with my well-over-the-weight-limit-bag, it just kept on snowing. Really?

Katie woke up and we bundled Olivia into the truck. Even though I was driving, Katie was my ride to the airport. I drove from Derry, NH to Logan airport (Boston, MA) in a $!#$&* snowstorm. So much for my deal with Mother Nature.

I paid American another small fortune to transport my very overweight bag – but hec, I was packing for a 15 day vacation…including snorkel gear. I checked the departure board and my flight was on schedule. I looked out a window and it was still snowing. I travel often and this wasn’t looking good for the home team.

At 7:30AM we boarded the plane. Hooray! Ha! Doors shut, the push back and S.T.O.P. We weren’t going anywhere for a long time. We were third in line to be de-iced. A two hour wait. In a plane. With no food. There was no way I’d be in Key West by 1PM. I knew I’d miss the connection in Miami. I called the airline and got re-booked on the 5:45 flight from Miami to Key West. My inner 5 year old wanted to throw the same tantrum the 5 year old behind me was throwing.

My 8AM flight took off at 10AM…and I couldn’t push the plane any faster. There was nothing I could do to get to Key West any sooner. Scottie…Beam me over!

Once I landed in Miami, I tried to fly standby on the 2:45 flight to Key West. It was full. I dragged myself to the bar and ordered a vodka martini straight up with a twist of lemon. And a salad. Normally I don’t mind killing time in an airport waiting for a flight…but this time…every second that ticked by was a second I was missing with my husband. With him was where I needed to be and I just couldn’t get there fast enough. I flunked the test on patience.

Finally, at 5:30 PM we were bused out to the puddle jumper. Seriously, it was the longest 47 minute flight I’ve ever been on. We landed in Key West and just hurry up and park the plane already. I had to wait for all the people in front of me to deplane. Speed it up folks. This lady has to kiss her man! I might have pushed the guy in front of me.

I got off the plane, grabbed my backpack (it got stowed in cargo), and practically ran inside the terminal. I skipped through the doors and there he was was. Standing in the middle so he could see me…just like the day he waited for me when we met for the first time again. And boy oh boy did he look

So. Damn. Good.

Richard wrapped me in his arms and the rest of the world melted away. We were alone in a crowded, noisy airport. Everything and everyone faded to mute. Only the two of us existed. In the moment when true love reunites with true love, nothing else matters.

♥ Home is wherever I am with him. ♥

Richard & Peggy - Key West

*Note: American Airlines graciously refunded a portion of my re-booked ticket.

Love Letters

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My husband doesn’t write me love letters.

And I don’t scuba dive.

The love of my life is a deployed soldier with the 197th Fires Brigade from the state of New Hampshire. He loves being a soldier. He loves being in the army. And he loves doing what he does. Part of what he does requires him to go where his country sends him. Right now, he’s on a one year deployment in Kuwait.

Communication is one of the pillars of a healthy, strong, vibrant marriage. Richard is never for a loss of words when it comes to talking to me. His philosophy is pretty simple,

“Why write when you can talk on the phone…why talk on the phone if you can talk in person.”

For the first six weeks of his deployment, we were able to talk every day. And he called me every. single. night.  No letters. No cards. No smoke signals. Why write when you can call?

But then he landed in Kuwait. He no longer had the ability to call every night. His job, his mission came first. And I do understand that. Believe me, I do.

Skype is a beautiful thing. It’s FREE! Voice over IP and video as a bonus! I love Skype. Except when it doesn’t work. And it doesn’t work a lot of the time. Dropped calls. Video freezes up. Scrambled, garbled, time delayed audio. Frustrating. Aggravating. But even if I get to see his face for five seconds, a scrambled call is worth it.

A month before Richard came home for his two week leave, he was temporarily transferred to another Camp. One without internet access in his building. No Skype. He bought a calling card and every Saturday morning he’d call. Sometimes on Sunday, too.  But sometimes, waiting for that call – going eight or nine days without hearing “boo” from him was and is excruciating for me. But as far as Richard is concerned, why write when you can call?

Richard doesn’t smother me or inundate me with gobs of text messages, email, snail mail or Hallmark cards that other people write. He hates texting. And he’s not a big fan of writing. It’s not his thing. It’s mine. I know this about him and us. But every once in a while he surprises me and I’ll wake up to an email that simply says, “I love you,” and my heart beats faster.

My husband doesn’t write me love letters.

I don’t scuba dive.

And that’s OK.

I ♥ my soldier!

PS: Fair warning, my next few posts will center around our 15 day reunion in Key West. It may be a bit cavity inducing so make sure you have your dentist on speed dial :-)