Sweat Does a Body Good

When my friend, Teresa, asked me to join her for a Bikram Hot Yoga class I said “yes” before I remembered how hot it really gets during class. It wasn’t until I opened the door to the yoga room that I remembered. At first I was greeted by the distinct odor of sweaty feet. Yes, that eau de funky smell is an intrinsic part of every Bikram yoga studio I’ve ever been in. And I’ve only been in two. But don’t worry. You get used to the smell pretty quickly. Well, at least I did.

After I got past the stink, I remembered how the heat grows on you. I breathed it in and let it linger inside and out. It tickled my skin and flushed my face.  Two thoughts raced through my mind. “What am I doing here?” and “Why isn’t that man in front of me wearing a shirt?”

I looked around the heated room. More people were showing up and saving their spots with their yoga mats. Teresa was smart – we got there early so we could snag the spot closest to the wall. I only had to contend with one person next to me instead of two. I do the same thing in my regular yoga class as well. It makes me wonder how yogic is being a creature of habit?

Where was I? Oh yes. I was looking around the room. I couldn’t help but notice the other half dressed people. Men with no shirts. Girls in yoga bathing suits. Maybe I’m old. Maybe I’m fat. Maybe I’m closed minded but for Pete’s sake, put a shirt on. I don’t want to see your belly button.

Half way through class I wished, oh how I wished, that I wore a yoga bathing suit. I was dying in my capris sweat pants and I soaked through my tank top. I didn’t care if the girl next to me had to look at my flabby belly. I was hotter than hot and dripping rivers of sweat onto my mat. Note to self: Next time wear less clothing.

What exactly did I get out of this class? Why would anyone put themselves through 90 minutes of yoga in 105 degree heat?  After I got over myself and my internal crotchetiness I remembered how much I loved doing hot yoga. It gives you that feeling of being wrung out and cleansed from the inside out. My muscles were lengthened and strengthened. My spine was flexed and twisted to release toxins and stress. I felt stronger, taller, and completely blissed out.

When class was over and I was laying in shavansana, I didn’t have to remember how good hot yoga felt. I got to experience it all over again for the first time.

Breathe In…Breathe Out

I’ve had a constant stream of people in and out of my home since Christmas Eve and yes, I’m peopled out. Two words that showed up in my journal last night were Breathing Space. Here I am a certified yoga teacher and I was feeling suffocated in my own home.

It happens to the best of us.

And so I started thinking. How do I create room to breathe? How do I create the space to step back and take a deep breath?

The last time I felt overwhelmed in my own home I noticed the feeling first. I allowed awareness of the feeling to push back the ego who wanted to say nothing and keep plodding along. With awareness comes my ability to speak up. So I did. But this time, it was my husband who noticed and asked if I was “feeling lost in my house.”

At first I brushed it off with a laugh. Who me? No way. I’m not lost. I’m just irritable, crabby, moody, and distracted. I hate when he’s right.

Sometimes even I don’t pick up on my own feelings. After an hour or so with my journal, I realized I was in much need of Breathing Space. The constant stream of people in and out, not to mention three generations living under one roof, coupled with an out of town house guest, finally got to me.

The guest left yesterday and there’s one more large family gathering tomorrow night. Well, it’s technically the start of Family Dinner night, but this time, there will be a lot more people showing up for beef stroganoff and sour dough bread. I’m armed with awareness that I am peopled out but I also know that I can breathe anywhere. Not autonomic breathing, but conscious breathing, or pranyama. My breath is my life force and with it I can control stress and reduce tension.

To help myself find my own breathing space, I cleaned my room and rolled out my yoga mat. My intention is simple: to reignite my morning yoga practice with lots of sun salutations and breath work.

I’d love to hear from you. What are you doing to create Breathing Space for you?

Forgiveness Can Set You Free

(note: This is a repost from my other blog…I’m double dipping today!)

What’s with this forgiveness crap? I don’t want to forgive her for doing that! Why should I forgive her? She’s never going to apologize for what she did…

Sound familiar?

Even though I know forgiveness is for the forgivee, I still struggle with the act of forgiveness. Why? Because my ego wants to hold a grudge. My ego wants to hold onto the story of the grievance. My ego wants others to join my cause and rally around me. My ego wants to incorporate the grievance into every cell of my being.

How does my ego serve me by doing this? It doesn’t. If holding a grudge or a grievance doesn’t help me, it certainly doesn’t help you either.

My job is to release the attachment my ego has to the grievance. This doesn’t absolve the person who behaved inappropriately. But it does allow me to let go of what her behavior did to me. By letting go I am free of the turmoil, the drama, and the chaos.

I have forgiven Richard’s ex-wife for her behavior regarding our vacation in Florida, for sticking her fingers in Richard’s face, and for the mean things she said about me. I have released myself from the attachment to the “problems” she stirred up. I recognize that she is a hurt person and hurt people hurt people.

In Yoga Sutra I.33, Swami Satchidananda translates it as this: “By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard for the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness.” (Seriously, these are the four keys in dealing with people!)

I can’t tell you how many conversations I had inside my head with the Ex-Wife that kept my mind-stuff in a disturbed state of chaos! Most of them caused my heart to race, adrenaline to flow through my blood stream, and my inner warrior usually ended up rearranging her nose in each imagined conversation.

How often do you keep yourself in a state of internal chaos because of your thoughts and imagined conversations with your husband’s ex-wife? (Or some other person who’s wronged you?)

Forgiveness was my ticket out of chaos. I forgave her because she sees the world through a vastly different prism than I do. Her grievances and grudges are her story and she holds onto them. Letting my grivevances with her go allowed me to arrive back to my natural state of “undisturbed calmness.”

Are you ready to experience undisturbed calmness?

I can honestly tell you how much happier I am on the inside just by revisting the key behavior to cultivate when dealing with a person who may or may not realize her behavior is “wicked.” I dedicated the last week of  my morning yoga practice to forgiveness and softening my heart.

Not for her.

For ME.

Today, I reclaim my equanamity and my peace and poise of mind.

What about you? Are you ready to reclaim your peace and poise of mind? Is there something you can forgive today?