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I looked around the family room for things to break — a crystal vase, a porcelain figurine, a framed picture of my husband. He told me had been having an affair and it had been going on for nearly two years. After nineteen years of marriage, I knew I had to ditch the cheat. I married him when I was nineteen. He was all I knew and I had carefully crafted a life that looked perfect on the outside — two incomes, two kids, two cars, a dog, a cat, a comfortable life — and in the blink of an eye it all fell apart. I felt crushed, broken, and kicked to the curb as if I was yesterday’s garbage.

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I’m not going to pay attention to anyone who says breast cancer stories are over rated. Or that divorce stories are a dime a dozen. Or that no one wants to hear sappy true love stories. My stories are my stories. While breast cancer, divorce, and true love are common, I make them unique.

I will not stay quiet any longer just because someone else told their story. I have mine to tell. And I’m going to share it with the world. I will not go quietly into the night. I will not sit in a corner. I am woman…hear me roar.

And while I’m roaring, check out this inspired post by my friend Sandi Tuttle. If her post isn’t a sign that I’m on the right track, I don’t know what is…The Illusion of Perfection.

From cross-eyed
get to mount

on the ground
Defend

get to guard
Or half guard

No matter what I tried
nothing worked

School is in session

Kiwi, lettuce, carrots
Mushrooms, peas, and black beans
What’s for lunch?

****
I just found out it’s National Poetry month. Ok, so I’m a slacker. Here’s to one poem a day for 30 days. And yes – the one above counts as poem 1.

copyright Peggy Nolan – Tiger Lilly – 2013

I believe that in life, we create our own experience. Just by taking a few moments every day to appreciate what I have, I create a better experience for myself because I’m focused on the good, the positive, and the abundance of love I have in my life.

How are you creating your own experience today?

me – after my head shaving party, 2004

And a huge shout out to God for sending me the love of my life AFTER my hair grew back!

Who’s Ready To Celebrate With Me?

Two weeks ago I had my first private lesson in the gentle art of Brazilian Jui-Jitsu. I wanted to learn 3 things:

1. How to get from cross eyed to mount
2. What’s my objective when I’m in guard
3. What’s my objective when I have someone in guard

Basically – how do I defend myself, how do I control my opponent, and how do I finish.

Sensei Laura told me it comes down to 3 basic principles:

1. Base
2. Posture
3. Grip

Last Monday I practiced what I learned and boy did I surprise myself when I went from cross eyed to mount with ease. The technique worked without me expending tons of energy or muscling through it.

And I learned a few new things from Professor Kevin Landry. Thumbs up. Palms up. Elbows in. Don’t grab the Gi (which makes me giggle because my grand kids call me Gi – so don’t grab me…I might kick you or something!)

Back to what I learned…

If you control your opponent’s head, you have 40% control. Control the hips and you have 60% control. It’s not about strength. Be heavy. Effortless effort.

I’m loving this practice!

My youngest daughter, Christina, lives in Denver. My oldest daughter, Jessica, lives in Dublin, Ireland. Anytime my girlies are in the same place at the same time, you can bet mama bear wants to be there, too. Last November, Jessica emailed me confirmation of her travel itinerary from Dublin to Denver. I made travel arrangements for my husband, Richard, and myself the same day.

I cashed in points from my American Express card and bought two tickets to Denver and a rental car. I made reservations at Denver’s top rated B&B, Castle Marne. And then I waited. And waited. I even started my own countdown clock. Nah. I didn’t look forward to this trip at all.

Two days ago the dire weather forecasts started pouring in. Heavy wet snow! High winds! Terrible travel conditions! Downed power lines! Acccck!

I tried not to pay attention. I asked everyone to send good mojo, positive vibes, and prayers to Mother Nature for no disruption to my travel plans. I desperately wanted complete and total control of the weather. Nothing was going to keep this mama from her bear cubs. Not even heavy wet snow.

Yesterday I ignored the weather forecast updates except for a brief chat with Kevin Skurupa, one of the meteorologists at WMUR, on Facebook. I asked him specifically about any delay to my travel. He told me I’d get out of Manchester just fine. Newark was a little iffy with predicted wind gusts of 35-40 mph. Oh goody.

Work kept me busy right up til noon. As soon as my clock chimed 12, I was officially on vacation. I got my nails done. I dropped Edgar off at The Barking Dog. I cleaned the kitchen and folded laundry. I got my hair done. In between I kept checking to see if my flights would be canceled. I called United twice. I thought about re-routing through Chicago but that would have cost a small fortune and the loss of most of the day in Denver once I arrived. No matter how much I worried and fretted about the nor’easter, nothing changed.

Worry, you see, has power and authority over absolutely nothing.

I finished packing. I watched ” The Bounty,” starring Mel Gibson and Anthony Hopkins. The movie was made 29 years ago…when Mel Gibson was every girl’s Hollywood heart throb…long before he went off the deep end. Wow. The movie was made the same year Jessica was born. Now I feel old!

I didn’t get much sleep last night. Three hours maybe. My alarm went off at 3:55 AM. Richard was already up, showered, and ready to go. His early morning rise and shine-ness still eludes me. He made me coffee while I showered.

We got to the airport in plenty of time for a 6:09 departure. The slower than molasses speed at which the United counter was moving baffled me. I checked us in at the kiosk and we waited and waited and waited to get our bags checked…only to be told by one grumpy guss that our flight was now restricted and we couldn’t check our bags. Excuse me? I just paid you $50 to check my bags.

Thankfully, the other agent wasn’t so grumpy made a quick call to our departure gate. She told me to get in line for security while Richard waited for her to tag our bags.

We left Manchester 45 minutes late, but no worries. I’ll patiently wait to have the plane de-iced. While the snow fell in heavy wet flakes, the first leg of our journey was uneventful.

We landed in Newark with just enough time to take the bus from terminal A to terminal C. There was no time to grab coffee and barely enough time to pee.

We boarded our flight to Denver and then waited and waited and waited. Our 9AM departure turned into 10 AM. Once the plane was de-iced we waited in Newark’s all too familiar aircraft traffic jam. You don’t notice the traffic until your plane is on the runway and you look out the window and count. 20 more airplanes all stacked in a single file column.

But takeoff we did! And as I write this we’re just over Chicago, half way to Denver, flying at 38,000 feet. It’s a balmy -83F outside my window. And my husband is using my shoulder as a pillow. We’ll arrive in Denver around noon.

All that worry and fretting and wringing of hands was nothing more than wasted time and energy. It didn’t change a thing.